Aishod – Chapter 1

Princess Pippa unbraided her hair so if fell over her shoulders. If she was going to successfully sneak out of the castle she was going to have to look nothing like how she normally did. she changed from her normal castle gown to a sturdy pink dress with good boots. She affixed a belt around her waist and tied as many magical products to it as she could. She drew her cloak around her shoulders and made her way to the door.

She snuck out of her chambers. Her uncle Tibbott, the steward of Kutar had tried to keep her in the dark since her mother’s illness, but Pippa wasn’t stupid, she was taught at the Isryt Academy of Magic. Pippa knew full well why Queen Noryn was sick, but accusing Tibbott of treason would get her thrown in the dungeon.Instead she’d fight his cunning with her own, she was of the royal Kutar family and knew how to play the game of wits very well. She had been doing it a long time at Isryt with the other houses of magic.

She crept down the hallway holding her topaz and quickly cast an Oblivious spell on the guards through it. Casually she walked passed them and they didn’t notice her. Tibbott may be cunning, but he neglected to pay attention to Pippa’s magic skills.

As soon as she was out of the castle she drew her cloak over her head to hide her face, and drifted into he street and tried to blend into the crowd.

She searched her way through the crowd for a tavern called ‘Our Lady Kutar’ she heard a rumour of a Mercenary who was of the Klee Clan staying there.

The Klee Clan massacre was a tragedy devised by Tibbott, Pippa was still unsure why he slaughtered the Klee but she knew this Klee mercenary would help her stop whatever it was Tibbott was planning, even if it were purely for revenge. Pippa was willing to take all the aid she could.

She glanced at the signs hanging above, searching for the tavern she wanted.

“Ahh perfect,” She whispered to herself when she found what she was looking for. She slid in carefully and was greeted by a blast of music and the smell of smoke and ale.

“Evening madam,” A busty barmaid with a very low cut dress bowed, “Looking for anything in particular?” She inquired. Her accent was on from Hiem, the Kingdom to the far north.

“Wine, thank you,” Pippa replied, the maid bowed again and scurried across the bar, several male patrons pinched her behind as she crossed the room.

Pippa scanned for the tell tale signs of the Klee clan and spotted a woman with a metal breast place and metal shin guards, drinking quietly to herself in the corner. She had a bow and quiver of arrows strapped to her right leg. The Klee straw blond she had was cut traditionally short and had with red tufts dangling down, longer than the rest, in front of her ears. Her Indigo eyes were a dead give away of her heritage. There were many who dyed their hair to scam people into hiring them, but this woman was the real thing. Klee were renowned for their Hunter’s Bowmanship and their Mage’s healing spells, which made those who survived the massacre highly sort after.

“You’re the Klee mercenary I have heard rumours about?” Pippa slipped into the seat opposite the woman. she tried to keep her voice steady and confident. she wasn’t sure this woman was going to like what she would be telling her.

“Who’s asking?” she gave Pippa a sideways glance. Her voice was cold, like she didn’t care about much anymore.

“Your wine ma’am,” The barmaid appeared holding a mug of wine. Pippa handed her a silver coin and the maid wondered back into the crowd of patrons.

Pippa lifted back her cloaks hood so the woman could see her face. she was painfully aware of how closely she was inspecting her.

“I’m seeking revenge, just like you, My name is Pippa Noryn Kutar.” she said, the woman bared her teeth angrily.

“What has the Nightmare done to his pampered Niece” she spat. Pippa retreated slightly, the woman was more frightening when she was angry than when she was cold and unfeeling.

“Since I returned from Isryt, I have been kept a prisoner of the castle, and he has been poisoning my mother for the last 13 years.” Pippa replied coldly. She did not like people thinking her spoilt. Since her Mother’s ‘illness’ she had become anything but spoilt.

“Yet here you are in ‘Our Lady Kutar.” The woman snarled, unimpressed with Pippa’s reasoning for talking to her. “Doesn’t look like you’re a prisoner of the castle,”

“I was taught at the Isryt Academy of Magic, it is not overly difficult to slip past brick headed guards.” Pippa snapped and made a quick movement of her hand to cast and Inconspicuous spell to divert anyone who may be eavesdropping.

“What did you just do?” The woman said quickly and glared at her like she had done something horrible.

“I made us inconspicuous so no one eavesdrops” Pippa snapped, “My Uncle is planning something and I need to stop him.” Pippa started, “It started with poisoning my mother to keep her bedridden and unable to run the Kingdom, but I think the real plan begun with the massacre of your people.” The woman bared her teeth again. Pippa knew she hit a sore spot. “I need to find out why he did it, and what he was looking for.”

“How should I know?” she responded harshly “I was thirteen and out hunting.”

“And I nine and at Isryt,” Pippa shot back, “Surely there was something Tibbott was after?” she pondered aloud

“I haven’t the slightest,” she scoffed, and crossed her arms grumpily.

“Did the Klee protect anything?” Pippa asked, “Some sacred item?” She tried to reason out why Tibbott had attacked the people of Klee.

“We protected the Guardian of Spirit’s shrine, Just like the Kutar are supposed to protect the Guardian of Darkness’s shrine,” she replied. She looked as though she wanted Pippa gone.

“The Guardians of Magic,” Pippa mused to herself, ignoring the Klee Mercenary. “Would you travel with me to Nyx’s shrine to the west to see if there is anything off there?” she inquired, “I will pay you of course,” she added. She hoped she would accept. the woman’s manner slowly changed from angry and cold to intrigued and amused through the silence while Pippa waited for a response.

“You’re telling me you want me to go with you to figure out what the nightmare is up to and stop him?” She asked with a grin, “and you’re going to pay me for it?” she moved to get a closer look at Pippa.

“I most certainly intend to pay for your services, is that not the custom with a mercenary?” Pippa replied, she was a little confused, “and I imagine you wish to deliver the killing blow”she added hastily and the woman begun laughing.

“You have yourself a deal princess,” She held out her hand. “I’ll stick with you until that bastard is dead” Pippa shook her hand to seal the deal.

“Excellent, we leave for the shine at sunrise.” Pippa smiled.

“Name’s Ivy,” the Klee woman introduced herself, with a chuckle.

“A pleasure.” Pippa replied and smiled, satisfied.

 

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

Advertisements

3 thoughts on “Aishod – Chapter 1

  1. Chapter one is cute and develops a solid story line base, though I cannot leave an overall impression on the stories speed till I read more of the chapters. So far, seems a tad rushed, as if to get things rolling into the main thick of the story, even if intentional.

    I would add a bit more descriptions into the characters, mayhaps not the main character as you have seemed to keep her features hidden intentionally, but the mercenary may as well be a walking question mark with pretty eyes and blonde hair. To consider: as a mercenary, what kind of armor is she wearing or any weapons on her person. This will help slow down the story a little bit and give the reader more to work with in the minds eye of who they are dealing with.

    I have not read the other chapters yet and you may have added these things there, but as this is the introductory chapter to the characters, plot and current events, they need to be here. I will look at the other chapters later when I am not so pressed for time.

    Also, and these are the big complaints that I HOPE you have fixed before I read the remaining chapters (or else):
    1) The background. The color of the flower and the color of the text are too identical and I could only read roughly two or three word blocks at a time, this through me off and left me rereading segments of the story two or three times in order to fully grasp what I was reading. Either change the text color or the background.
    2) Punctuation and capitalization. Fix them. Now. Words used as titles, like uncle Tibbit, should be read as Uncle Tibbit and words after commas don’t need to be capitalized unless you meant a period there instead. Fix this now.

    • Thank you for your feedback ^_^ I have started going through and expanding on many different things as well as improving my grammar.

      I look forward to more feedback in the future.

  2. Okay, so I gave you a few days to catch up on what you have written and to see how well you played with my advice. And you have done much better.

    The detail is far better in terms of character emotion, character descriptions, and recognition of the area around them.

    For chapter one, the only remainders left are tiny quirks in your punctuation, which I wouldn’t stress over because I’ve reread reprints of Lord of The Rings that still have the same issues, even after 30 editions later.

    Now then. On to Chapter two!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s